Retraction

Dear Mendeley,

I cannot create computer programmes. I cannot write code.

I apologise for my rage.

Thank you for your support.

Yours,

Elliot

Mendeley Desktop

Dear Mendeley.
Your programme Mendeley Desktop has been nothing short of useful while it has worked. But therein lies the problem. It does not work. It is a pile of horseshit masquerading as a programme.
I wish to read my PDFs. I wish to read a specific one so that I may write my dissertation and get a degree.Your pile of computing bollocks will not, however, allow this. Any sub-par grades received from here on out are to be blamed entirely upon your company. I shall be billing you for a wasted year at university if this occurs.
Kindly fuck right off, and take your shoddy bucket of blood-tainted-piss you have marketed as a computerised academic tool with you.
Sincerely yours,
Elliot Spirrett

PS: Adobe, you are as much to blame for the invention of this stain on the face of technology which you call the PDF format.

Oh and Haddock, I know you're reading this. Stop being a cunt.

Broken Britain? Pause for thought before putting us down please.

For those of you that have read my blog before and have been surprised (and amazed) with the amount of inane toss I've been able to produce (or seemingly pull from thin air), here's a slight change...

Having just read an interesting article in the Economist, I wanted to take a different and uplifting track with this post, so here it is.

British police have just reported the lowest number of murders in 19 years.

Murders of children has fallen more than two-thirds since the 1970s.

Britain used to have the 3rd highest child murder rate in the rich world, now we are 17th.

Burglaries and car theft are roughly half as common as they were 15 years ago, and the onset of recession has not reversed this downward trend either.

After a long period of increase, there is evidence to say Britons are drinking less alcohol.

Drug consumption is dropping overall (though admittedly, some drugs including cocaine are becoming more popular).

Smoking rates are among the lowest in Europe, lower than France, Germany and the OECD average.

A girl between 15-19 is now half as likely to have a child as her grandmother was at that age, though some of you may find abortion rates which have risen by 31.4 per hundred between 1969-2007.

Though her partner will unlikely marry her or stick with her than men in previous generations, the same girl is a lot less likely to be beaten by him.

Finally, victims of violent crime both with and without injury have fallen greatly since 1995.

Sorry for the list of statistics that may seem boring to some, but frankly, I find this all rather heartening.

Enjoy this knowledge when talking to Americans.

Ta ta!

Oh and:

Goodnight Sweet Prince!

Ian Carmichael, the original Bertie Wooster died this week.

Gents the world over in mourning.