Liar, liar pants on fire

Ok so I lied! I'm blogging because I'm tremendously drunk!

Woo! Judge me and so help me god I'll lick your face!

I may have accidentally lied slightly

Hello again dearheart,

I have an apology to shamefacedly make. I promised my next post would be a fashion based post but I'm going to nonchalantly discard this idea until next time (which may actually be only tomorrow, or even later on tonight if I get bored enough). Instead chums, I'm going to be answering some enticing and intriguing questions I have recently become aware of. There is an American TV show called Inside The Actors' Studio. This programme is formatted by way of an interview with a specific actor each week. However towards the end of each show, 10 standard questions are asked to the actor. Because these questions are pretty thought inducing and because I like them I'm going to share my answers with the world. Because I know none of you care.

But you may be inspired to play along, eh?

1. What is your favourite word?

As a chap who considers himself as somewhat eloquent, this question poses something of an awful quandary, as I believe almost all words have their place and can be used to wonderful affect in the right circumstances, however if one were forced to narrow one's choice down to a single word, it would have to be correlational. This word holds a rather bizarre sway over me as there's something in this brain which loves a graph. I suppose it's the statistician in me but nonetheless, this particular word is nice because it sounds nice when explaining any linking ideas or data to use the word correlational.

Geeky? Very much so!

2. What is your least favourite word?

In this instance I'd have to refer you to the above answer and answer that as an unashamedly self proclaimed eloquent person, the word that annoys me the most would be any word which is in common misuse or any non-words which people use. The worst offender in my mind being "of". Could of. Should of. Would of. etc. etc. etc.

Have. Not of. Have fits here. Of is not correct at all. It is however intensely annoying.

3. What turns you on [creatively]?

Literature which alludes through metaphors to reality or to other ideas. For example, 1984, certain aspects of Lord Of The Flies, some Dickens to name but a few. In this respect I really should read The Crucible by the sounds of it! I love reading about things in literature which are almost secretly commenting on events or issues through this medium!

4. What turns you off [creatively]?

Pretentious modern art. I know people may hate me for this choice but god knows it annoys me. A urinal? A skull covered in gems? If it hasn't got a damn good message behind it, then it is literally just a toilet and a head dipped in jewelry. And you know what? I could see those for free, or even imagine it! It is not something you've painstakingly slaved over for hours getting everything beautiful and has taken great skill to create like a beautiful painting!

5. What noise do you love?

The sound of a golf ball hitting the bottom of the cup. Which, I hear you think, sounds somewhat ludicrous, but to anyone that plays golf, it is a most satisfying sound. It is one which speaks of triumph and conclusive finality, not to mention one which is genuinely pleasing to the ear without those particular connotations!

6. What noise do you hate?

People slurping their own saliva. Which is obviously not a particularly common noise, but a bothersome one to say the least. One is made to feel quite queasy when one hears it.

7. What is your favourite curse word?

Bollocks. For pure versatility there's nothing finer as displayed in the hit motion picture The 51st State starring Samuel L. Jackson. Oh bollocks. Dogs bollocks. Bollocks to that. Bollocks (as an exclamation of disbelief). Bollocks covers all bases delightfully well. And it rolls so readily off the back of the throat like an offensive cough.

8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?

A fashion reporter or designer. Or even a stylist. I have very little in the way of ability to draw though so one of those is already out the window. I can't afford to dress myself in the way that I'd like and I'm so indecisive I end up usually resorting to jeans/t-shirt combos so that's another. And high fashion scares me slightly. How unfortunate.

9. What profession would you not like to do?

Anything particularly monotonous or tedious. Which rules out many professions really. Unless they paid me awfully well I'd want something exciting or something which evolved.

10. Finally, if heaven exists what would you like to hear God say as you got to the pearly gates?

"It was only logical of you not to believe, so go on in, Dawkins is in there too! Don't worry, you won't feel stupid or embarrassed, this is heaven!"

Hope these gave you something of an insight into why I never seem to acheive anything substantial.

Until next time!

Absence makes the heart grow forgetful

Well well! What have we here? It's a blog I'd forgotten I'd swore to update regularly... How curious!

So where were we when last we left off? Ah that's right I was busy hating myself!

Well then let me fill you in on the details since then:

My laptop died a tremendous death. I cried. I realised my brother had the same laptop sat in a cupboard with a faulty screen. I laughed. I tore my laptop apart. I revelled. I rebuilt his screen. I rejoyced. I was informed his laptop also had died the same way mine had not six months ago. I cried once more.

The upshot is I am now the proud owner of a brand new Dell Inspirion 1545. This makes me hilariously happy as it runs everything very smoothly.

I also managed in the interim to find myself a house (this is another thing I blame my absence on... The lack of laptop and subsequently, internet being the first). This excites me beyond belief as it's rather a lovely house and it's officially ours! I would attach photos but that sounds like far too much hard work so I'll just link you here. Pretty swish eh?

What else? I lost 8lbs last week, almost by accident. This is pleasing though, so I can't complain.

I'm having trouble thinking of anything else worthwhile to tell you so let's get to the meat of it:

From here on the next few posts are going to be "The Fashion Issue". Make of that what you will when you see my particular style, as you may just think I'm a prat. I care not.

I'll see you there. Like shareware.

Good to be back.